Dipping into my really personal life, three weeks ago my boyfriend and I broke up. He initiated it, due to lost feelings and not wanting to lead me on, as he said. Which is all fine and dandy, now that I’m over the heartache. I don’t dislike him, but we don’t talk either, which could explain why I have a bad case of the ‘I miss you’s’. Or I guess him’s.
We didn’t go out that long, only a month and a half. I’m sure there are adults out there that will scoff at that. “You were that upset? You only went out for a month and a bit? There are so many other boys in the world, he isn’t worth the tears!” I’ve been told that a few too many times, which is why I’m going to state my case of, it’s not how long you know the person, it’s what you talk about, the experiences with them, and how much fun you have by their side, that matters.
And man, did we talk. He’s the first boy I’ve ever met that I felt I could talk about anything with. The universe, stress, my own sadness, periods, school, you name it. We had those deep conversations around midnight on his couch, with the faux fur blanket and the fire going to keep our feet warm. It’s an amazing feeling to have; someone who understands and relates easily, and if they don’t, they empathize. They’re caring to you and you know they won’t let you forget it.
Having them around is like breathing, or blinking. They’re natural to you.
Which is why my case of the “I miss you’s” is quite horrible. After having that connection, that feeling, if only for the two months we were friends and then more, and then having it ripped away…it’s not easy to replace.
Do I think if maybe we had started dating in university it would have been a different outcome? Yes, I do. Would I get back together with him? I don’t know. I just know that our connection wasn’t ordinary and I’d like to know where his end went.
I miss him. I really do. Will I ever tell him? No. Some things are better left unknown.